Accommodating others

The problem with care-taking isn’t that they’re kind to others.

The problem is that they’re kind to others at the expense of themselves.

If you’re talking about how you are treated in intimate relationships then it is a different question entirely, but the answer still lies in how you feel and how you WANT to be treated. First, I think it’s important to identify that being a thoughtful, caring person and being a doormat are the same thing. For instance, instead of, “you shouldn’t expect me to give you rides all the time,” you could say, “I feel like my help isn’t valued,” or whatever applies.

Sometimes when you do too much for other people, you are becoming an enabler, and you are not actually helping them. You can probably identify specific situations in your life when you have felt or are feeling like you need to be less accommodating. When you frame it in terms of yourself and your own feelings, the other person is less likely to get angry and defensive, on top of which, s/he can’t argue with you and tell you you’re wrong—they’re your feelings. If you’re feeling this way, I’m guessing there are people in your life who have gotten kind of accustomed (consciously or not) to being able to count on you to do take care of things that aren’t your responsibility. Simply say when someone asks you to do something that you want to say no to: “I’m sorry. (Thus, you avoid conflict still while standing your ground.) I don’t have examples because I’m one of those who doesn’t hold onto things that have happened to me.

These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word 'accommodate.' Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors.

Many people have a difficult time saying no to their bosses, lovers, children and/or friends.

They often begin to feel run down, depressed, resentful, anxious and even sick.

Hmm its really hard to say without like concrete examples, but then again even if you gave them the response would be to just tell them “no” nothing really deep there lol. It seems to me that there are not two camps, but three. Treating others with loving compassion and helping them as much as you can is a good thing, and if more of it happened, the world would be an infinitely better place. In my experience a lot of women have trouble with this, and it’s something I’ve been working on lately, too. And then think about how to express your problem with the situation in those terms.It occurs because I am by nature very accommodating, peace loving, and directly avoid conflict.I get upset (without verbalizing) at the way I’m being treated, but I never know how to fix it.You only need to be unavailable for a few times before these requests start to taper off. My girlfriend used to have the same problem and it bothered her a lot. The concept that someone thinks you’re too accommodating is irrelevant.Over the years she’s been able to work through it and allow people to walk over her less, mainly from me just constantly telling her to tell people no or stop avoiding conflict just for the sake of doing such. I would spend some time thinking about how YOU feel about this issue.

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